call me by my name

about the pain of loneliness and hope.

A surreal painting of a woman painting a moon (in the air) in her small hut. She looks lonely, as if she’s a victim to creating beauty while experiencing none on her own.
“Star Maker” by Remedios Varo (1958)

wait for the clouds to
fall, my child.
everything beautiful
took a long time
to grasp at existence.
if you stare at a canvas
long enough
it almost becomes the painting.
look,
look at this
diamond.
child,
do
you
know
how
many
years
this
took?
stare at your own skin
and think that love
is already there.
do not ask me
how to deal with
loneliness.
how could i claim to meeting god
when i can’t even believe in his absence?
look,
a desert is also an ocean.
cup your hands
and pretend there is water.
then smash your hipbone with memories.
child,
what is time?
what you are is the present.
search for comfort
in skin other than your own
and you will always be unhappy.
what loves us
tames us.
child,
don’t you understand?
every hug is also a cage.
run,
and pray you don’t get a shoebite.
we aren’t even searching for what we want.
listen.
your heart screams confusion
when you finally drink water.
we have only one primal instinct
and
it’s happiness.
you let these spiders
build all these webs;
why,
child?
everything
you can think of
won’t
even
happen.
do you see it now?
nothing even matters.
clasp your eyes in your palms
or breathe with open lungs.
all that matters is already
here.
you already have
what you want.
if your head is in the
clouds
you’ll only ever see castles built in the
sky.
come,
come with me.
i’ve already told you this is an alternate reality.
do you think trees remember the
wind?
what happens to a
lover
we never see again?
do you feel like the
antagonist
in your own life?
child,
kiss the mirror.
call yourself narcissus
and raze your tongue across your goosebumps.
these arms are all you’ll
ever need.
trees are canvases in the making.
go, sleep.
one day, you’ll wake up beside somebody else
and not recognise who you are.
and that,
my
child,
will be the happiest day of your life.

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